and just like that, it was holiday time. 2021 was another big, busy and difficult year. If you are like me you probably felt that what you wanted most to end the year was a very long nap. You know that your holidays needs to be refreshing if you are to avoid burnout and be able to give your best to your work when you return to work. However, I have found the reality of messy, noisy, post-lockdown family life has made getting a really long nap difficult. Getting the break I need stuck at home with a restless tween is harder than I expected, and I am a bit over all those advice articles that assume loads of free time (yes I can just remember when holidays were full of naps, meditation and reading!). I may even have heard holidays with families referred to as “the time of intensive childcare and housework.” So here are my 7 tips for the rest of us - those that struggle for refreshment in the middle of kids and household management.
1) Identify Your Needs
We often end the year with a strong sense of tiredness, the feeling of needing a break and our goal is to ‘make it to the holidays.’ We then collapse into the holiday without spending time thinking about what it is exactly that we need the holiday from and what we need the holiday to do for us. Although our work may be tiring, what actually drains you about your work is probably more specific than that, apply your curiosity and identify one or two elements that you need a break from. For some people it may be being around people all day, for others, it may be the emotional impact of our helping work, for others it may be around the responsibility of managing others. These holidays I realised that what I most needed a break from was planning, organising and creating momentum. Once you have identified your needs then consider what makes you feel most relaxed and refreshed in relation to those needs. Perhaps it is alone time that you most need, or like me perhaps you need a break from organising and to just be spontaneous for a while. Think about what activities, people or situations give you the most energy.
2) Prioritise Your Values
Unfortunately, the basic rules of time management apply to holidays as well. We can’t do everything that we would like to do in the week or two that we have off. We need to make decisions about where our priorities lie. After you have included activities that will give you the most refreshment your values can guide you as to other activities that may also be important. Family holidays always require compromises and articulating your values can often help you understand and manage any sacrifices you may need to make to accommodate others needs. I often find that if I am swayed into others agendas without consideration I can feel like my needs are getting overlooked. If I take the time to intentionally think about and share my values and make value-led decisions to prioritise others needs, I can manage a lot more compromise. Simply acknowledging the reasons I have to make this sacrifice and why it is important to do so allows me to be more compassionate and giving with my time.
3) Activate Your Self-Compassion
What if what we most need a holiday from is our own internal world. Those high expectations, perfectionism, worries and anxieties. Sometimes we most need a holiday from ourselves. Our struggles with our own mind messages and internal states can be exhausting. Perhaps you even have an expectation that you will be excellent at self-care and refreshment, that you will use your holiday well and return to the work that you love with truckloads of energy. Even your expectations of how you will use your holiday can be tainted by perfectionism and high standards! Beginning a refreshing holiday starts with showing yourself compassion - opening up to accept just how tired and fatigued you are, and responding to that exhaustion with care and expressions of empathy. Self-compassion is treating yourself with the kindness, care and generosity you would offer others, accepting that we all struggle sometimes and being open and accepting of your emotions. It may be helpful to wonder whether you are having the holiday that you would recommend for your best friend if they were as tired and as worn down as you are.
4) Don’t Make Work For Yourself
Is this holiday the time to repaint the spare room? Maybe, it depends if that activity provides the sort of re-energising that you most need right now. Only you can answer that question. If you are very tired it may be helpful to ask “Do I really need and want to be doing this now?” If you are fatigued making complex holiday plans may not be the relaxation that you need. You may be better to think about all the ways that you can simplify. It may be more important to consider all the things that you are not going to do. These holidays as part of my refreshment plan I am committed to not tidying up after my family members and not going to get groceries (we are not starving yet but the house is a complete mess!) I have read some recommendations that holidays are good times to introduce new habits and make lifestyle changes. If you are very tired and have all the family home this may not be the best time to make changes to your lifestyle. Rest and refresh yourself especially if the new habits you want to introduce require preparation and research. It may just be your internal high expectations kicking in and driving you to get more out of your holiday - it is ok to just rest and do activities that you find energising.
5) Prepare Just Enough
Preparation can be helpful (and essential for travel) but it may be most beneficial to think of aiming for a balance. Being just prepared enough to gain the refreshment you need, but not so much that you are actually creating work for yourself. I relax and refresh best by having opportunities to create, art, crafts and writing preferably. I try and prepare by having the raw materials I need all ready so that I can have the satisfaction of creating on my days off, rather than having to go out and search for what I need. I also find it helpful to have a loose list of what I am planning to create so that I don’t wander aimlessly wondering what to make. If you are juggling family life It can be helpful to have your refreshing activities (books, crafts) handy in a favourite spot. This means you can snack on energising activities throughout the day whenever those random free moments arise.
6) Remember The Power of Little Things.
Having a refreshing holiday doesn’t have to involve grand plans to travel to new and exciting places, or a 2-week silent yoga retreat. Refreshment and re-creation are more effectively gained through little things done intentionally and done consistently. When you are balancing your need to re-energise with family life it is especially important to think about those small moments of rest and refreshment and how you will scatter them throughout your day and week. Making an effort to be fully present and mindfully enjoy activities is a powerful tool for refreshment. I have been enjoying watering the garden in the evening slowing down enough to watch the droplets fall and shine on the grass leaves. Savouring may also be a helpful small skill to introduce into your holidays it is a technique that helps our brain dwell on the good things that happen to us. You may like to introduce a savouring habit with your family each day. For this simply ask each family member to remember a delightful or pleasant moment from their day, to review the event or activity in their memory including as many details as possible (including their senses) and then share it with the rest of the family, including how they felt at the time.
7) Be Aware, Be Mindful and Become Relaxed.
Part of a refreshing break is creating the conditions in which our bodies and minds can be free from stress and relax. This may take a bit of practice and adjustment if you have become accustomed to constant stress. Be curious, open and accepting of all that you are feeling, and aware of the patterns of stress that may be present. Become mindful of what your mind and body are signalling that they need and the conditions under which they feel most relaxed. Find ways to increase the relaxing and refreshing actives and decrease the things that make you feel most stressed.
I hope you are all able to refresh, re-create and re-energise at some time over the holidays.
Christina